Helen Perris | I wondered if I’d ever be able to write again


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Helen Perris | I Wondered If I’d Ever Be Able To Write Again

The directive came through Messenger, but the tone was clear. My friend was exasperated with me. I was at a low point, so cloaked in the dark weight of depression that I couldn’t even order pizza for dinner for the kids, let alone cook something nutritious.

 

“I can’t move,” I messaged back. “Everything is too heavy.”

 

🎶  I know you’re hurting

And I just don’t know what to do

Your heart’s been broken

Your whole world’s been turned upside down 🎶

 

I hadn’t written a song in months and sometimes I wondered if I’d ever be able to write again. It all seemed so pointless and fruitless. Why even bother write when nobody listens or cares? At least that’s what the nagging voice in my head told me.

 

“Get up. You can’t stay there forever. At least feed your kids,” he said.

They were hungry. I ordered the pizza.

🎶   I can’t fix what’s happened

Or heal this raw wound

But I hate seeing you like this 🎶

Another friend was going through hell: real hell caused by real things, not just depression. That was the voice again. It liked to make me feel bad for feeling bad. My inability to be of any real help to her stirred the angry pangs of guilt that nipped at my heels. I ached to have the energy to take away her pain but the best I could do, as I lay on my couch, was be there on the other end of the phone line or with an open chat window, willing to simply listen. He said that would be enough. It seemed to be.

🎶 All I can do is be there for you

Listen when you want to talk

Hold you tight to stop you falling apart 🎶

He and I talked daily, as friends do. I didn’t ask him to solve my problems, just listen. Then one day in the middle of a conversation, there was a spark of inspiration: “That’s a great idea for a song.” One moment of hope made me start writing again in earnest. There was a direct correlation between the amount of time at the piano, writing lyrics and figuring out harmonic progressions, and the lightening of the load I carried daily.

Some people talk out their feelings. Some eat theirs. I write mine.

🎶  I won’t let you be alone

So even when I’m not there

Know I’m keeping you in my heart 🎶

I joined a songwriting club, so now I write every week, whether I’m inspired or not. It doesn’t matter in the end, because there’s always a new song after my songwriting hour is up, and the load lightens again. Creating art helps. I’m not cured, but I haven’t been hollow and heavy since I started making the time to make music regularly.

Are people listening? Well at the very least, the club members are. I hope you will, too.

 

Helen Perris is an independent pop artist based in Western Sydney. Her new single, Be There, will be released in October through her website, Bandcamp, iTunes and all regular streaming services.

Links To Helen Perris

Website: www.helenperrismusic.com

Bandcamp: www.helenperris.bandcamp.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/helenperrismusic

Twitter: www.twitter.com/helenperris

Instagram: www.instagram.com/helenperrismusic

Soundcloud: www.soundcloud.com/helenperris

YouTube: www.helenperrismusic.com/youtube

 Helen Perris | I Wondered If I’d Ever Be Able To Write Again

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